Artificial Discrimination

Last year, in what was a total chaotic holiday season, our Christmas tree died on December 10th - 5 days after we purchased it and 15 days before Christmas. It wasn't just a little dead, it was stiff, brown, can't-turn-the-lights-on dead. And during this total chaotic holiday season, there was no time for undecorating the dead and redecorating the new. In my state of trauma, I sat down and typed an email to the Lowes corporate offices to express my frustration surrounding this dead tree in my living room. Kudos to Lowes for showing true customer service.......they called me and offered a new artificial tree and my money back on the dead tree. The only thing they could not provide was someone to come and take down my old tree and replace it with a new one - fully decorated of course. I did request this in my email, but they mentioned something about legal ramifications blah, blah, blah. Nevertheless, I am a loyal Lowes customer because of this.

I did go and retrieve my brand new artificial tree, which brings me (over the river and through the woods) to last night. I should preface by saying I have never had an artificial tree - never, never, never. Everything that is in me is against this concept, but I cannot risk another dead tree 15 days before Christmas. My heart just can't take it! So last night, out of the box it came. Richy and I put it together. Put it together. I don't even like the way that sounds. We fluffed it - I think that's what artificial tree lovers call it when they pull the branches and twigs away from the metal pole they're clinging to. The first glaring issue was that it is too small by about 2 feet. Knowing that I am near tears, Richy decides to use his engineering skills to raise the tree to appear taller. I am not going to reveal his "raising" secret, just in case anyone visits us. I don't want them to know what is under that tree skirt. So we plug the tree in and stare at it. We stare some more. I can tell that Richy is struggling with it too. On the other hand, Richmond absolutely loves it! He thinks it is the most beautiful tree ever. Doesn't he know that this tree was manufactured in some factory in China - not grown on a beautiful mountain farm somewhere in North Carolina?? Well, no......he doesn't know that.....thank goodness. But I do. I gave Richy the look, and he knew. "Box it up, and we'll put it on Craig's List", he says. I loved him so much right in that moment - for knowing that I hated it. I didn't even hesitate for a moment, I was off to get the box. But wait a minute, remember the little boy that thought it was the most beautiful tree ever? When he caught wind of our plans to get rid of this eyesore, he went into a state of 4 year old panic. You would have thought we were on our way to the trash can with his matchbox car set. He went ballistic - not in a temper tantrum sort of way, but in a heart broken way. So what do you do? In the name of love, you suck it up and have a hideous artificial tree. I was not going to break his heart, it just wasn't worth it. We'll decorate it, and it will be beautiful - at least that's what I keep telling myself.

If anyone is in the market for a pre-lit 7 ft artificial tree, I know where you can find a great deal on one after Christmas............only used 1 season.